Choose Hope

Linda, I felt, and still feel the exact same way!  I finished chemo a year ago in April and felt like, "OK...What now?"  I felt safe going through chemo and having weekly appointments.  I had been having CT scans every three months which was a scary amount of time for me.  Then at my last appointment, my docyer didn't schedule a scan and said I didn't need another until August (it will be 6 months from my last scan!)!  This is scary for me and I don't think many people "get" that.  My frineds and family say, "Great!  You must be so glad!"  ...But I liked having someone else in charge of my health.  For me ( I had cancer in my small intestine), every cramp or weird stomach pain sends me wondering.
I really have to rely on myself to stay on top of my health.  I always call for blood results even though I know the doctoer would call if something was wrong.  And I ask for the specific numbers, not just "Everything looks fine."  I also rely on my faith.  I pray, not just that the cancer won't came back, but for peace-of-mind and comfort, and wisdom in dealing with my health. 
Living in fear means cancer has taken yet another piece of my life, so force myself to be brave and not let these fears controll me.  I am active in the Amercian Cancer Society.  As survivors, it is important that we take charge.  Not only do I really hope for a cure, but it just feels good and gives me strenght to fight back!
Tyson

Hi everyone I too am a one year survivor as of April and I can definetly relate to all that your saying. Does the fear and anxiety get better?  Every time I too have to go for ct scan I start thinking what if its not good news.  Even though I feel good , I also     start to have all of these slight discomforts so it really makes me think oh no what if? Perhaps after a couple of years I will start to accept the possiblities without the fear. I guess what iam trying to say is that we now have to learn to live with our cancer, it will always be there a part of us we just have to learn to keep an eye on it but at the same time look past it, so that we live our lives fully.

13child.

Hi everyone
I have not finished my treatments yet.  Last one will be in December.  I am battling brain cancer.  I was diagnosed in Febuary.  I did six and a half weeks of chemo and radiation.  Now im doing the six months of chemo, oral though.  Im hanging in there though.  I have to, I have a 12 year old son.

I am 4 years out from my stem-cell transplant for leukemia and I think about what do I do when the cancer comes back? What is next after a transplant for treatment?  I have a 9year old daughter to live for and I get scared all the time.  I still have the bone pain, some days I can't function because of the pain.  Everyone tells me I should be happy I am alive and cancer free.  BUT the side effects are still here, the generalized bone pain, the neuropathy in my hands and feet,  and not to mention having to swallow over 20 pills aday (my daughter counted my daily pill intake and it is 26- that is without the extra pain pills I take on some days).  I feel better just writing this out.  Thanks for listening to my gripes.

I have a journal that is split in into 3 sections.1)all my meds when started,dose,Rx #.2)all my visits to my oncologist with dates, including my questions,his answer (when he has one), and his new orders. 3) all my visiss to the family doctor including date,questions,his answers and any new orders.  I take the journal to all my visits so both doctors can see where I am.   I feel better knowing the bone pain is not all in my head.  Some days the pain is really debilitating and I am unable to work.

I somehow lost the message i sent.. but will try it again...
Right after I find out if this went through!

Semicolon:
I know exactly how you feel. I got my first clear scan (thyroid cancer) 2 months ago, and it's just the strangest, most difficult time for me right now. Everyone else seems to think I should be fine and act like nothing ever happened, but the truth of the matter is that my life is still upside down, moreso in some ways now than before. I'm still easing back into my life, regaining my strength and my emotions. Like you, I didn't lose (much) hair, I didn't lose ANY weight (one side effect I could have benefitted from!) and even at my worst, I still worked to not look truly sick. SO in the eyes of most of the people around me, I don't seem any different.

Oddly, too, it feels as if all support avenues tend to drop you after treatment. A friend was just diagnosed with cervical cancer, and I told her that right now may be the easy part. The hard part is later, when things are slower and getting back to normal, and you have the opportunity for it to sink in.

I hate cancer.

I took chemo pills and I was excited when I one day woke up and i was warmer outside. I wanted the windows open could not open them. SO I asked my husband to help. He told me I slept in to 9 am. I felt liek the day was over already, but he opened the windows and came to me with a small present and said open. I told him I did not deserve presents with having cancer and having you do all the work. I said that is a present enough because I could not get on the floor and play with my younger son. Older on in NJ at the time and still is with my parents. Well, he told me to open again and I opened it and cried. I said two days prior to that I was freezing and he told me to put on his chicago bears hat and gloves in the bedroom. I laughed because they were winter accessories and it was december. It was about 70 the day the windows were open, but two days before it was about 45 degrees or so. He then went out the day after that with my son while I was at work in the us navy and got me my own chicago bears hat well it was a little different it was a beanie type hat and he said you need that to keep the little bit of hair you have warm. Well with cervical cancer you do not usually loose hair, but I did because of the chemo pills being so much stronger. Also, we all biced our heads all 4 of us and loved it except it was winter so I had to wear the beanie everywhere. I even wore it in the work place when I was not in uniform. Alexis

This message is for Susan G/P...I live where you live also & I am an ovarian cancer survivor..it will be 1 year this June.
How are you feel;ing these days? I can't sleep..I can't take pills as that doesn't help. I also have back pain..which is chronic. My chiro says it's because I have a colostomy..which I hope gets reversed someday.
Anyone, can respond to this if they feel so inclined..I am just surprised to see someone from the same city as me!! hahaha

God will help you. Have faith in God.